February Mama Message
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood.
The best way to understand people is to listen to them."
- Ralph Nichols
Love and connection are the keys to good communication within a family. It is not always easy to stay in a place of love when we are being triggered, but there are so many tools that can assist us in staying in centeredness. My own family is in the midst of some paradigm shifts at this time, and I am gratified and amazed by the strong foundation that we are discovering at its core. The hours, days, and weeks that we put in listening carefully to each other, the respect that was modeled by our extended family members, the patience and forgiveness that exists, and the communication tools that we have worked with have all been greatly appreciated.
My colleague Sheila always says “connection before correction”, which can serve well in times of challenge. Children as well as adults need to feel loved, respected, and heard despite behavior that may be to the contrary. A young child has not learned strong communication skills, and so we adults need to put ourselves in their position (look at the situation through the child’s eyes) and try to respond in a way that meets their needs. Sometimes we just need to say “I hear you” and “I love you”! It’s no different with adults, as we all are still dealing with our inner child in one way or another…
I am continuing to learn every day from new experiences in my life, and am humbled to realize how much I still have to learn. Remaining open to all possibilities and beliefs will be so important in the coming days, and acknowledging that we may not have the answers we need is a first step. My dad used to say that you can find a statistic to back up any belief, and these days this has become one of our greatest challenges. If we can come from a place of accepting that our point of view may not be correct, we stay open to the opportunity for deep connection. We can listen to children, teens, and adults, and give everyone the respect that they deserve.
It is a humbling experience to discover that some of my deeply held beliefs may have been based on faulty reasoning or preconceived notions. Through education, connection, discussion, and exchanges with many different people, we can begin to question our long held beliefs, and learn to be open to the myriad of perspectives that exist. This can be true for cultural beliefs, family paradigms, religious and political beliefs, and much more. I am realizing that through long experience and continuous growth, our perspective changes and deepens over time. Our elders have had more experiences with which to view the world and develop their points of view. We can learn much from listening to the wisdom of those who have had more life experience and from reading accounts of their lives.
Literature is such a powerful tool for educating ourselves and especially our children. Stories have served as teachers throughout history, and should take the place of a lecture every time. Children can hear a story and draw inspiration from it without our having to preach to or talk at them. A book on the nightstand or an audiotape close by can be a companion, a comfort, and a source of deep wisdom. Listening to an elder around the fire on a winter’s night can be entertainment and education. Stories passed down through families can offer insight, provide context for making decisions, and instruct us on our future paths. Then hopefully we continue on a course of positive development as individuals and as a society.
This month I invite you to deepen your practice of questioning previously held beliefs, to listen carefully to loved ones and to those with whom you disagree, and to stay open to the many different ways that we humans communicate with each other. Marjoram essential oil or the fresh herb can be helpful in allowing us to trust in relationships. Marjoram is a plant of connection, and can assist in softening the heart. It is a time to take pause and reflect on other’s points of view. We may just learn that we have so much more in common than we think!
Have a loving and connected month…
Warmly,
Maria